PAST sentiments.

confused.
startled.
exhausted.
about to give up.
If these weren't concrete descriptions of d emotions rushing in me, then wat are these i'm feeling? I feel alone. Its been hours since i indulged with this past time.. That wud bring me to the past that haunted me. I hate it when all my efforts are being called as useless. Had it been not for this feeling that's lurking in me, i won't bother explaining. I have a lot of better things to do but i managed to talk to this guy just so i cud clear myself from those unpleasant impressions about me that's running in his mind since d day i failed to keep a promise which i didn't want to happen, i already made it clear to myself that pleasing him wud bring me to an unwanted feeling of guilt and remorse if ever i failed in doing what i promised him, and its exactly what happened. Confused as to what to do with the nagging truth that "they" are back and it's high time that i do a lot of thinking about which way to go. this has been long overdue, i think. i've been thinking of giving them all up and to just sulk in the corner not wanting them to be near me again. But just the same, i fear of losing thier attention and affection, if there is.it's as if this choice is almost close to perfect. I'm tired. I think i've had enough and i wanna take sum rest. and last thing i wanna hear right now is his voice, and a love song that wud surely be of no use in nursing a bruised heart.
i just stare at the ceiling blankly. Images started to appear like a scene in a movie of loving, leaving and coming back again. I'm being indecisive. Well, i'm not so good in making decisions. i'm not even sure if i can, myself. Most decisions i tend to keep a hold onto fail to meet the success i have been aiming to at d very beginning of it. And who wants that kind of result? Here's this guy of w/c i don't know what are his plans for us, or if he has plans for us is yet another question. Then here's this guy hu haven't seen me yet, but keeps on insisting that what i did was a big deal. Dunno if i shud be believing him, it's like i can sense mockery in his voice. He kips on asking why d hell did i leave. I gave him the best answer i cud give but he wasn't pleased at all. Now here's the other one who's so excited to experience being close to me. switness it is, that's his only reason. Dis year's a fruitful one, i've met, loved, and hurt a lot. But stumbling upon d same old mistakes makes me wonder. Why d hell are they happening to me over and over agen? then, i came to an answer, it's becoz i never learn.